I Promised Her I Wouldn't Cry
by KrystalBlaze - Jerikor
Summary: After Bant dies in his arms, Obi-Wan is left to face to his own emotions and Bant’s last request. (Lots of Obi-angst)


Title: I Promised Her I Wouldn't Cry  
  
Summary: After Bant dies, Obi-Wan is left to face to his own emotions and Bant's last request.  
  
Age: 21  
  
Author: KrystalBlaze aka Blazer  
  
**= italics.  
  
Hey guys. This is a rather emotional story.  
  
I PROMISED HER I WOULDN'T CRY  
  
I promised her I wouldn't cry.  
  
It was her last request of me, the only request she had ever asked. Her eyes had been dimmed and half closed, but when she spoke the words to me they alit with a fire I had never seen before. It came so sudden I could only stammer out "yes."  
  
Master Qui-Gon and I had been sent to the planet Merak to rescue Bant and her Master from the monarchs there who had captured them in hopes for a ransom from the Jedi Order. The Merak leaders figured we would do anything to get the missing Jedi back, and we would have paid the ransom if there wasn't a hope we could rescue them.  
  
There had been. A rebel knew where the monarchs were keeping Bant and her Master and would lead us to them once we arrived on the planet. As soon as we touched down, the rebel took us to the palace, where he led us through an underground series of tunnels to a chamber under the palace. The monarchs were keeping the two Jedi here. He had no word of their condition, only the fact that he monarchs were known to torture prisoners.  
  
The rebel left us at the door to the chamber, quickly hurrying away. I pressed my ear to the door, using the Force to heighten the sense. I heard soft whimpers, and through the Force I felt Bant's life-Force dwindling. Startled, I drew back. Qui-Gon looked at me gravely, and nodded. He pushed open the door.  
  
The sight that met me was horrifying. I have never been so scared in my life. Bant was lying on the floor of the musty dimly lit room, blood cascading down her body. I couldn't tell where she was hurt; there was so much blood. Her Master was not in view at all.  
  
I ran to her, trusting Qui-Gon to cover my flank in case of danger. A sob was all ready at my throat. I could feel her life all ready leaving. Something told me she had waited for me, and now that I had come, she could now die.  
  
But I wouldn't let her die! Not my best friend, not my Bant. I couldn't let her go.  
  
I gathered her up in my arms, and the words she said confirmed what I had thought.  
  
"I waited for you," she choked out in a soft voice. "I knew you were coming."  
  
Her eyes were dimmed and weary. I never felt so much pain as I looked into her eyes. They were usually so full of life, so ready for whatever would happen. She was my best friend, the closet thing to a sibling I had. She couldn't leave me. She wasn't even a Knight yet, she wasn't ready. *I* wasn't ready.  
  
"Bant, we're going to get you help," I whispered in her ear, the tears brimming in my eyes.  
  
"Stop," she said, her breath catching in her throat. "I'm going to die, Obi- Wan."  
  
"No!" My cry was so loud I felt Qui-Gon turn to look at me.  
  
"Please, Obi-Wan."  
  
"I won't let you die, Bant. You're not ready to die yet."  
  
"Let me go, Obi-Wan. It is my time."  
  
"It is not your time, Bant!"  
  
My tears started to fall.  
  
The fire came to her eyes. She gripped my forearm, squeezing. She appeared to have suddenly regained her strength, and for a second I hoped.  
  
"Promise me, Obi-Wan," she wheezed, she voice hitching. "Promise me you won't cry for me."  
  
It happened so fast. I didn't move.  
  
"Promise me," she said again.  
  
"I promise," I obeyed.  
  
"You have to move on," she said, her breathe now quickening. "You have to save my Master. They have him. somewhere else." Her voice now got drowsy.  
  
"Well, you'll lead us to him, then," I said, desperate.  
  
She smiled slightly. "You promised."  
  
"I did." I shut my mouth tightly then, suddenly realizing this was the last time I would ever speak to her.  
  
"I love you, Obi-Wan. Please remember."  
  
"Bant, no!"  
  
She smiled at me once more, and then her eyes closed. I felt her breathing slow, and then it was as if the Force had been sucked out of the room. I gasped, feeling her breathing stop. Desperate, I felt for her presence through the Force and found only a blank void.  
  
"NO!"  
  
I backed away from her, somehow scrambling to my feet. I whirled around fell to my knees, my breathe coming in fast pants. I lowered my head to my hands, feeling the tears rush to my eyes. She was gone. Bant was gone. She couldn't be gone.  
  
"Obi-Wan."  
  
I felt Qui-Gon kneeling beside me. I couldn't bear to look. I didn't want him to see me like this. I shut my eyes, willing the tears back. The sob inside me was so tight I could barely breathe.  
  
"Obi-Wan."  
  
Qui-Gon took my arm and pulled me gently to my feet. My front was covered in Bant's blood, and I looked to her body, hardly believing. This was so unreal. This just couldn't be happening. She hadn't been ready. She couldn't be dead.  
  
"She is one with the Force, Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon said gently. "She is with the Force."  
  
"No," I stammered. "No."  
  
He looked at me sympathically. "It's okay to cry, Obi-Wan."  
  
At that point I just looked at him. I couldn't speak. The tears were in my eyes, threatening to fall, and yet I knew that I couldn't let them. I built up my dam, even though the sob inside me was mounting to a scream. I had promised her. I had promised her I wouldn't cry.  
  
After that we found her Master in another room in the series of tunnels. He was also bruised and beaten, but the monarchs seemed to know a Jedi Master was more important then a Jedi Padawan, and spared him, but blood thirsty, they had murdered Bant.  
  
When Master Qui-Gon told him of Bant's death, he blinked and looked away. After we returned to the Temple, he shut himself in his quarters for several weeks, grieving. He appeared only to attend Bant's funeral.  
  
The entire Temple turned out for her funeral. Her Master lit the pry where her body laid, tears fresh in his eyes. He backed away, stomping out the torch he had used. He stayed for only a few moments, and then returned once again to his quarters. I didn't see him again for a matter of weeks, and when I did catch sight of him, he looked worn and weary.  
  
The flames danced around Bant's body. I looked straight ahead above her into the smoke. I couldn't bear to watch her body being burned. It hurt too badly, and I couldn't cry. I would not cry. I promised her.  
  
After the funeral I went to my quarters. Qui-Gon left me alone, shutting the door between our joint rooms. I sat on sleep-couch, staring ahead in my darkened room. The tears were still hanging in my eyes, but I forced them away.  
  
My best friend was dead. It was so hard to grasp. The pain seemed unbearable. I closed my eyes to the pain. My thoughts ran in circles in my mind. Images of earlier years flashed across my eyes, even though they were closed.  
  
Images of when Bant and I were ten and swimming, laughing, slashing. Images of us sparing, collapsing in laughter and she tripped over her feet and fell into me. Images of her face when she was alight with laughter. Images of her happiness when she had told me she had been taken as a Padawan learner. Images of us arguing.  
  
I clenched my teeth. How could I have argued with her? How could I have spoken a harsh word to her? She was the kindest and gentlest soul I knew. There was no on in the galaxy who had her intuition into my soul. No one in the galaxy who knew me better. No on in the galaxy that could hold me when I cried, and tell me I shouldn't be ashamed, and actually make me believe her.  
  
*You can't hold me now, Bant. You told me not to cry.*  
  
I hugged myself. I was too old for this. I should be able to move on. I lowered my head onto my knees.  
  
How to go on? How could I go on in a world where I would never hear her voice or see her smile again? She lit up my soul, she completed me in ways no one else could. I would have died to keep her safe and from harm.  
  
"Obi-Wan."  
  
I looked to the door. Qui-Gon had not come in. I sprang from the bed and looked around wildly.  
  
"It's me, Obi-Wan."  
  
I still could not see anyone. But suddenly the emotionless voice came back to me.  
  
"Bant?"  
  
And suddenly her Force presence spread around me, spearing into my body and filling me with warmth. I closed my eyes, basking in her presence. After a moment I opened my eyes and saw a shadow standing before me. I stared at it, trying to make out the shape, but couldn't.  
  
"Obi-Wan, this is me."  
  
The shadow was Bant. I stepped forward, but stopped.  
  
"Thank you. You recognized me."  
  
"Bant," I said, my voice close to tears.  
  
"I asked you not to cry," she said. Her voice was now full of richness, although tainted with a sadness I could feel in my bones. "I wanted to spare you the pain. I thought it would help if you didn't cry."  
  
"Bant," I said again, trying to get in a word.  
  
"Obi-Wan," she said back, halting me. "It was selfish. I asked it for me. I couldn't bear to see you cry, wasting your sadness over me. It was too hard. I wanted to go in peace, not with you sobbing over me."  
  
I could hardly believe this was happening. When I had been an initiate, my teacher had often spoke of how when Jedi died they did not really die, only became one with the Force. Qui-Gon had also told me this, but I had not realized what they had meant until now. If Bant was one with the Force, it was possible she could visit me?  
  
"Yes, Obi-Wan, that's it." She could always read my mind, even now.  
  
We stared at each other, the shadow and I. I took a long breath.  
  
"I realize now everyone needs to grieve. I realize you have to cry. When Tahl died, I cried. You have to cry, Obi-Wan. I understand that now."  
  
I said nothing.  
  
"Remember me, Obi-Wan. Remember that it's okay to cry. I'm sorry I made you promise not to."  
  
"Bant, please don't leave me." My plea was nothing more than a beg.  
  
The shadow smiled. "You know I have to, Obi-Wan. You know I'll always be with you as well."  
  
"Oh, Bant, it's so hard."  
  
"You are so strong, my Obi-Wan. You'll get through it. You have Qui-Gon. Talk to him. He's worried about you, even if he won't show it. Please be strong. Cry. It will help."  
  
"Bant." I couldn't say anything else.  
  
"We'll see each other again, Obi-Wan. I promise."  
  
"And you'll keep this one?" I asked, tears starting to fall.  
  
The shadow smiled. "I'll keep this one this time."  
  
And suddenly she was gone. The shadow and her voice were no longer there, but I felt her presence within me, around me. It was in that instant I realized she would always be with me, even when I wasn't thinking of her.  
  
She promised me we would see each other again. She promised me she would always be with me.  
  
I believe her. One day I'll find her again.  
  
Afterwards, I left my room. Qui-Gon was sitting on the sleep-couch in the living space. He beckoned me to the spot next to him.  
  
With Qui-Gon embracing me, I finally cried. 


End file.
